The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 1

This speech was originally presented to my MOPS group. I will be breaking it into bite-size thinkable pieces for this blog.

It is popular today to knock some of the old TV shows and say that Leave it to Beaver is not realistic. Instead, Roseanne is supposed to be the typical family of today. That may be true. I grew up in a home that was more similar to Roseanne’s home (with sarcasm, lack of communication, and lack of true confrontation), but watching a show like that gives me no hope for better. I love Leave it to Beaver because I can see things in the Cleaver household that I do want to emulate and strive for. Maybe I will never do housework in my best dress and high heels, but I can work toward listening to my children, communicating politely and lovingly with my husband, and keeping my family together in harmony rather than acrimony.

I feel the same way about Proverbs 31. It gives me something to shoot for. It isn’t today’s list of things to do. I couldn’t possibly accomplish everything in a day, a month, or year out of my life. But I can try to do some of these things over time. And I already do. And so do you.

Proverbs 31 contains the words of a woman! A mother, just like us! This mother was trying to give wisdom to her young son, Lemuel, the future king. This is her advice regarding the type of woman he should find to marry. I think she did want him to find someone, so this list can’t be totally unrealistic.

First, the Proverbs 31 woman is to be TRUSTED.

v. 10-11 says
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her.
And he will have no lack of gain.

So far, so good; we all want to be rewarded with rubies, right? And the biggest quality for us to have is to be trustworthy. What does being trustworthy mean to you? [Think about that.]

To me, that means my husband doesn’t have to worry about me when he is planning our life. He knows he will get a big “thumbs-up” for the plans that he makes for our future; that he will get a smile when he asks me to do him a favor; that he will not be yelled at or belittled or looked down upon.

The Bible often tells men to “love” their wives, but women to “respect” their husbands. I think this is a critical difference in our makeup. A man is made to need respect. If he doesn’t have it, he feels less than a man. [Read: Rock Solid Marriage, by Bob Barnes, especially pp. 196-199. One sample paragraph: "It has been said, "Behind every successful man is a great woman cheering him on." Cheering him on because he's worthy of her cheering? Probably not. In the same book that tells husbands to love or cherish their wives, it says, "the wife must respect her husband" (Eph 5:33 NIV). Why? Because her husband is respectable? No, it doesn't say, "and to those of you wives who have respectable husbands, respect them."]

A Timely Word

Where does it go? We are always looking for it. We can never find it when we really need it. It comes and then vanishes like a bubble, without even a little pop. The evidence is all around us though. My daughter will be studying for her driver’s test this year. My son is in “training” for a para-military organization. So, time does exist. And time does fly!

I remember Holly’s first dance recital when she stood on stage with a bunch of other cute “munchkins” and we cheered amongst giggles as she wiggled her hips from side to side and then performed a somersault! This week, she will dance on that stage for the 11th time! Her instructors no longer stand up front reminding her what to do – she remembers it all! She makes quick costume changes. Her ballet, tap and jazz moves are so much more complicated and deserving of applause. She has shown herself dedicated and responsible in many areas of her life. Where did my little girl go?

I remember Elijah running around in the backyard with Nerf guns – okay, he still does that, but they are much bigger now. And now, I’m told, he may be taken into the woods to learn to shoot M16s! He keeps his room neater and he is showing a new commitment and perseverance level we haven’t seen before. Where did my little boy go?

Don’t get me wrong, I have always enjoyed the “getting older” bit. I loved seeing them graduate from diapers, training wheels, and I Can Read Books. But, now I think, “Our time left together is short.” There may be schools, jobs, marriages, and family obligations that will part us in the not-so-very distant future. Is there enough time left to teach them what they really need to know? Is there enough time to ensure that they are stable in their faith and ready for the persecution that is coming? Is there even enough time to just “be together,” without the rush, rush, rush of life pushing all around us?

Are we just “running to and fro” (Daniel 12:4) or are we running to something worthwhile? Are we “using our time wisely?” And what does that mean? And what does that look like? If all else fails, I know: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 1:4).

If they walk in the truth, and we walk in the truth, then when this life fails, we shall have the gift of all the time of eternity.

The Waffle Lesson

Below is an object lesson I wrote for my daughter’s Missionette class, so the examples are juvenile and relevant to middle-schoolers, but I hope we can all find and apply a piece to ourselves.

A lot of times we organize our life like a waffle. We put our family in one square, school in another, dance class in another. We may act the same in one square as another or we may act totally different. Here is a square for friends, here is a square for boys, here is a square for enemies.

One day, we get “saved” and we try to shove Jesus into an empty square. Maybe we add a church square too. But our waffle squares never mix. If I have a fight with my mom in the family square, then I go to the school square and forget all about it. I get into trouble in science class, but later in my friend square, I laugh about it. Then, I see some girl who used to be in my friend square go over to my boy square and start flirting with the boy I like. So, I beat her up, yell at him, go home, eat dinner and get ready for bed. Then, just before I close my eyes, I remember my Jesus square. I say a minute-long generic prayer about all my problems and go to sleep.

That is how it is sometimes. But, is that how it is supposed to be? No. When I gave my life to Christ, I gave Him the WHOLE waffle. I died to self (Mark 8:34-35) and told Him that He could live THRU me -- He could use my body, my mouth, my brain -– for HIS glory. So, Jesus doesn’t get a square. Jesus is the syrup. He comes and fills EVERY square.

When Jesus fills up the family square, then HE lives obedient to my parents inside my body. Jesus showed ultimate obedience to authority/parents when He died on the cross, so I know that He can do the dishes, clean my room and speak respectfully THRU me.

When Jesus fills up the friend square, suddenly I am a good influence on my friends. I don’t follow them to R-rated movies, I don’t curse, drink, smoke, skip school or act mean. Jesus was the ultimate example of love -– He died for His friends in order to give them life. So, I know He can be a great friend THRU me.

When Jesus fills up the boy square, suddenly I have pure thoughts about boys. I don’t want boys to sin in their thoughts or actions because of me. So, I dress modestly, speak kindly and encourage them in their Christian walk. Jesus is the ultimate bridegroom, so I know that He can live purity THRU me.

I know that Jesus has a plan for my future, so I don’t have to fight for it! He will live the perfect life THRU me if I let Him fill up all my squares.

…We have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. Colossians 1:9-10

The Right Way?

This article was originally published in the Pitter Patter newsletter for my MOPS group in January 2001. It has "resolution" overtones, but they are resolutions we make everyday, not those that wait for big occasions.

Sometimes I feel inadequate as a mom because I don’t know the “right way” to do things. I don’t make my own gravy. I don’t cut cookies out very well. I clean, but not as well as my mama did.

I am a grown woman and I can’t tie my own shoes. At least, I don’t tie them the way everyone else does – one loop, go around. A frustrated kindergarten teacher gave up and taught me the two-loop method instead. Twenty-eight years later, I still haven’t mastered the “proper way.”

There are days I wish I could research all the information I seem to lack. I would love to take cake decorating, home decorating, home economics, cooking, sewing and other classes. But, I have two kids and a husband. Time is not on my side.

What to do? I’ve had to realize that maybe my way isn’t always wrong – just different. After all, I happen to like canned gravy and instant mashed potatoes. And my way of tying shoes has kept me from tripping over my laces for decades.

For this year, I also resolve to remember that “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13.

I think that means that I have to let Christ be in control of my life. If He wants me to do something the “proper way,” He can show me, teach me, inspire me.

Duet

Psalm 133:1
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brethren to dwell together in unity!

My children's piano teacher is a good friend of mine and each week graciously overlooks the fact that my children are not in love with playing the piano. They take lessons because they must. They practice because they must. They improve with age and practice, but Mozarts and Beethovens they are not yet. Still, they are learning to play beautiful music.

But, lately, the piano notes are not the music I am impressed by as much as by who is playing and how. Recently, Miss Jen assigned a duet: "A Waltz for Four Hands." Watching my children work together as a team and learning to play in sync has been the real joy. The first child will do all their other piano assignments first, then call the other to join for the duet. They come immediately when the other calls. Our keyboard corner is too small for them both to sit, so they stand side by side without complaining about it. Holly counts the beats (1, 2, 3, 4...1, 2, 3, 4) and they try to play together with the proper rhythm. It isn't easy. But, they have treated each other so kindly and patiently. There have been no nudges of recrimination for mistakes. There has been no laughter at one another's expense.

This is not the first job they have tackled together. They learned early to work out systems in work and play. Holly (my first born who believes in fairness) generally orchestrates but Elijah (second born/baby tough guy) is not without input. When we go to the library, one pulls the cart of books around, the other checks the books out. When we bring them home, Elijah unloads the books from the car to the living room; Holly organizes them on the shelf. When the groceries arrive, he lugs them to the pantry and she organizes them on that shelf (yes, a pattern emerges, but it satisfies them both).

I am blessed to see my children cooperate, share, and be kind to one another. It encourages me to think that they will be able to rely on one another into adulthood.

The Curiosity Files: Quicksand -- A Review

Who knew you could dig up 84 pages of information and activities all having to do with quicksand? I never would have suspected it, but The Curiosity Files: Quicksand unit study does just that. Published by The Old Schoolhouse for only $6.95, you’ll want to sink right into this one!

Written for 8 to 13 year olds, this e-book is amazingly comprehensive. Beginning with “Everything you NEVER wanted to know about quicksand,” Professor Ana Lyze uses a humorous conversational tone to relate the science behind this non-Newtonian fluid. If you don’t know what that means, you’ll need to read the book! And while you are at it, you can make and handle a non-Newtonian fluid as one of the activity choices that follow all the learning.

There are related lessons and activities in all of these categories:

• Bible, cleverly beginning with the house on sinking sand
• Math, including ciphering and word problems (how deep did the poacher sink?)
• Reading, with practice reading charts and graphs
• Writing, providing an essay question, plus tips for how to write essays and outlines
• Word puzzles and other games
• Vocabulary, giving lists that are multi-level for younger and older students
• Drawing and other art projects (as you might expect: sand art!)
• Spelling practice
• Handwriting and cursive practice, incorporating the Bible verses from the lesson above
• Science, with labs on surface tension and viscosity
• Geography, teaching mapping and a lesson on terms
• Music, adding a little song to your repertoire
• Reading list, for additional reading on the subject
• Recipe for edible quicksand (using some of our favorite ingredients!)

If that isn’t enough, the section called “Curiosity Snippets” will help you create a cut-n-paste project file which would make a great addition to your home-school portfolio.

My middle-schoolers enjoyed doing the crossword puzzle once they found they could use the spelling/vocabulary list as a word bank. Next, we tried the viscosity lab, timing the speed of a marble as it drops through different liquids. We tried milk, hand-soap, syrup and molasses. With great fore-thought, we used our craft table area where “messy” is not a problem. If you choose the same liquids, you will want to have a little bowl of water (or sink) nearby for hand rinsing! Of course, the favorite activity was edible quicksand. The kids had fun making the gummies “scream” as they went down deeper and deeper into the mire of pudding and marshmallow. We substituted vanilla wafers for the cinnamon graham crackers and we all emerged with smiles!

For more details about this and other similar unit studies, including topics as varied as “Cicadas,” “MRSA” and “Red Tide,” go to: The Old Schoolhouse.

I received this e-book for free in exchange for an honest review.

This One or That One?

My daughter's Missionettes class is studying "Creation" this month. Last week, I walked around class and offered each girl a chance at winning a penny. I held out two closed hands. They had to decide which one held the penny. If they guessed correctly, they won. If not, they lost out.

This was an object lesson you might use with your children. There are two options available for us: evolution and creation. They are complete opposites. One relies on an intelligent, personal, and powerful God to accomplish everything. The other relies on a floating speck of hydrogen. You cannot have both of them; you cannot meld them together. You must choose one.

The world tells us that we can make up our own minds about what is true. But, is that true? Or is it like the penny game? You can make whichever decision you want, but only one will be a winner! Choose wisely.