Somebody Needs to Help Me

An incident occurred today -- one moment that will be very minor when I look back at my life, but felt major in the moment -- that took my mind hurtling back about 25 years. I was nearing graduation from college and, in fact, after reviewing my credits and things, thought I was ready to get my cap and gown.  

However, I had forgotten momentarily that my college was known by its initials, UCF, to be the place where "U Can't Finish." Even though I had begun the summer immediately after high school graduation, and taken classes consistently, even in the summers, somehow I was missing 1 credit. What? My adviser literally cursed me for being "self-advised."

I had met with my college adviser in 1985 when I was first choosing classes, learning where buildings were located, and fumbling with understanding credit hours. But, after that I thought that you should be able to take the college catalog and a list of the requirements for graduation and figure them out on your own. I was not raised to rely on others when I could (or should be able to) figure things out on my own. I made lists and checked off what I needed. UCF didn't make it easy. Especially back then, they were more of a "commuter school" and had a much smaller campus, so the course offerings did not come regularly or often. There was much joy and celebration if you actually got all the classes you wanted to sign up for.

So, after four and a half years and an almost complete college education, you'd think that an adult, over 21 years old for sure -- someone who is legally allowed to drink, smoke, and drive -- could work out the details. Apparently not. Out of the goodness of her heart, she let me help with some research she was doing and counted that as the credit I needed. I still have no idea what I researched or whether it was really helpful to her. But, that is what we did. And I graduated, with no cap or gown, at the end of the summer AFTER what should have been my graduating year.

Because I was "self-advised," she said.  

I've always wondered, why would they make it so complicated that you couldn't figure it out on your own? Does it make "them" feel somehow superior? Does it increase their likelihood of you spending more money? (Probably.) But, those are questions I can't really answer.

Today, the memory made me sad to think, how many more times have I fallen into this trap? How many more times have situations been bigger than I thought or harder than they needed to be? But, I walked into them because I was "self-advised."  

The Bible has remedies for me and other self-advisers. That is, if we can make ourselves look.

For by wise counsel you will wage your own war,
And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 24:6

Listen to counsel and receive instruction,
That you may be wise in your latter days.
Proverbs 19:20

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, 
who gives generously to all without reproach, 
and it will be given him.
James 1:5

How God Measures Us

This is an object lesson I used with a middle school class at church a couple of years ago.

Need: tape measure, 10 commandments, scale

Measure 3 girls...give height in inches, feet, yards.

I can use this tape measure to measure how tall you are, or I can measure cloth or the room or anything else I want. I can measure you in other ways too – I can use a scale to get your weight in grams, pounds or use a big scale to weigh an elephant even in the tons!

It is important to have standards of weights and measures. You’ve probably heard the story of long ago when a foot was really a foot. So, if you wanted a foot of lumber, you'd measure with your foot. What is the problem with that system? [Everybody’s foot is a different size!] So, our country set up standard measurements. A foot equals 12 inches – all the time! (Perfect for my dad!  He wears size 12.) The butcher who sells you a pound of meat, always means 16 oz. The government has people who go around and make sure that the scales are accurate and conform to the standards so that no one gets cheated.

But, our standards don’t work everywhere in the world. In Europe, they use the metric system. There, you wouldn’t ask for a yard of cloth, you would ask for a meter. But the meter is always a meter.

Did you know that God also has a standard of measure? He doesn’t measure us according to the height of our body, but according to our moral character. He measures to see whether we are good or bad. God’s standard of measure is found in the Bible. In the Old Testament, we have the 10 Commandments. Every one in this room has broken at least one of these commandments. I know because Romans 3:23 says, “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God!”

The only one who never sinned, who lived a perfect life, was Jesus Christ. He came to set a perfect example for us to imitate.

God’s moral law is a perfect law. Psalms says “the law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” In France, the standard may be different from here, but with God’s law, the standards are the same everywhere, all the time. It is wrong to lie and steal in France and it is wrong to lie and steal here in America – or anywhere else in the universe! It is wicked now to swear or murder and it was always wicked. It was just as wicked 3,000 years ago as it is today. God has only one standard for all people, for all time.

God requires even you young ladies to be pure and holy. And He requires it of us adults too. If it is wrong for a preacher to go see a particular movie, it is also wrong for you. We will all be measured by the same standard.

At the end of our lives, or when the Day of Judgement comes, God will measure each of us according to HIS standard. Not by whether you THINK you were good enough and TRIED hard, but by the absolutes of His word. If you have broken one commandment, the Bible says you have broken them all. Think about it like a set of fancy teacups and saucers. If you break one, you have broken the whole set – it cannot be perfect! So, none of us will measure up.  But, God provided a way to give us the extra inches we need – thru Jesus Christ. If you give your life to Him and let Him live through you – then God measures Jesus when it is your turn! He takes our place – just like He took our place on the cross. Make sure you have a relationship with Him...keep growing in Him...that leads to measuring up and fitting thru the ONE door to Heaven. If you don’t fit, there is only one alternative – Hell, and separation from God for eternity.

If I had measured you a year ago, and then again tonight, I bet I would find that you had grown some. Probably an inch or two.  Just as you have been growing in height, you should also be growing in Jesus Christ and into His character. You should be making progress towards being holy. You should be lying less, stealing less, murdering less, taking God’s name in vain less, and honoring your parents more than you did last year. You should be thinking more about others than about yourself – more so than last year.

You remember the story of Jesus preaching in the temple when He was 13? The Bible says there that He went home obediently with His parents and grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. Stature is height...but Jesus also grew in wisdom and in favor with God and man. I hope that you are growing in wisdom and in favor with God and man. If you want to grow, you must read the Bible and pray! And don’t just read the Bible – do what it says.

Keep the Faith, Baby

Ten and a half years ago when we started homeschooling, there was lots of pessimistic encouragement in the form of “It’s worth a try; you can’t mess up kindergarten.” In other words, never fear, for if (or when) you fail at this endeavor, the schools are still waiting to take your children and they could undo anything horrible that you did. 

Now, as my youngest enters high school, I find less people with encouraging words – even those who homeschool themselves. There is this idea that high school should be hard and not only should I not be able to teach most of it, but my kids must be missing something. I’ve heard moms say, “Aren’t you freaking out? Aren’t you worried? Aren’t you afraid?” 

I check in with my kids pretty regularly – I mean, I see them pretty much all day, every day, and we do talk about stuff. I ask them if they are still happy homeschooling. (They are.) In fact, they’d be highly offended if I wanted to switch venues at this point. They would think I was pretty hypocritical and wonder if I still loved them as much as I did when they were little. (I do.) 

Do I ever have fears and uncertainties? Of course. Who wouldn’t? We can’t know the future. We can’t know what we might have “missed,” by definition, until we run into problems. So far, we haven’t. But, I do know God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and He knows the future. And He is the one who set us down this path. And I trust that He knows what He is doing, even when I don’t. 

A man’s heart plans his way,

But the Lord directs his steps. 

Proverbs 16:9

We are trying some new things this year. My kids have started earning college credits through examination. If they continue to do well, we’ll ditch more and more high school and keep on this path. I find that they are meeting the challenges that are set before them. When they hit a roadblock, we’ll stop and look for the way around or through it. 

I don’t know about you, but I was public schooled and ran into confusing situations and roadblocks and followed divergent paths and somehow I still got into (and graduated) college (and my college was the infamous UCF which stands for “U Can’t Finish”). Amazingly, those career goals (public school teacher) that I set for myself didn’t materialize, but God had uniquely prepared me to do what my future really held: wife, mother, homeschooler. So, fear or no fear, I’ll go down this road as far as God leads and as long as He is holding my hand.

GOOD Christian Writing? By TEENAGERS? Yep!

Returning home from a long vacation, I found Aletheia Writing Magazine:  Creativity for Christian Teens just waiting in my mailbox.  I had not heard of Aletheia before, but the artwork on the front was intriguing: a man sinking down deep in the water, ever-nearing the shadowy outline of a whale.  Immediately, I wanted to sink into my bathtub (my favorite reading spot) and dive into the rest!  Inside the front cover, I discovered what Aletheia is all about:

"...we are excited about our contributors and the articulation of their Christian faith and experiences in writing.  This magazine is geared toward youth ages 13 to 19..."

A magazine for Christian youth written mostly by Christian youth.  Neat concept.  What followed was page after page of good writing!  I often lament the writing that is done in the Christian fiction realm as too mushy, too pedantic, or too boring -- and those are the adults!  These teens, on the other hand, have done their best to "unveil" little bits of truth through imagery, syntax and style.  And their best is very good -- I was an English major, so you can take my word for it.  "Aletheia," by the way, is the Greek word for "truth," in the sense of "unveiling the truth." 

This quarterly magazine accepts fiction, non-fiction, artwork, photographs, and book reviews.  They do a great job of outlining submission rules and answering FAQs here.  I really appreciated that the writing tips listed on the website included "pray about it."  Getting published in this magazine would boost any teen's enthusiasm for writing.  According to testimonials on the website, the editors will work with the teen to help them be more publishable.

There was a nice variety amongst the works published in both issues I was privileged to read -- some more serious, others more humorous; some more realistic, others more fantastic.  There were short stories, odes, and poems written by Christian teens matched with illustrations produced by other Christian teens.  The look of the magazine was clean and simple, just the way I like them.  The longest story submission was 8 1/2 pages of text while the shortest was only 5 paragraphs -- but they were good paragraphs.  None of the submissions were examples of immature writing.

In one issue, there was an engaging article called "Into the Artist's Studio with Joe Goode."  Joe Goode is an artist/illustrator of the graphic-novel-type (you can see his work here).  He describes here how he became an artist and gives suggestions for young illustrators (and writers) in using their talents to glorify God.

Scattered amongst the writings, are a few edifying quotes from famous authors and little known facts about their publishing process.  There are also "writing challenges" to get your students thinking and writing.  If you want more of that sort of thing, check out their website here for a place where your teen can submit "blog-like" entries expressing their Christian faith and values in response to questions or ideas posted.


I handed the fall issue to my 14 year old daughter to get her views.  As I suspected, she liked some stories better than others, and she wasn't too keen on the poetry.  But, that is her style.  She likes a couple of genres and she stagnates there.  I think if she continued to read the magazine she might gain a broader appreciation of other types of work.  And I felt she was totally safe delving into the clean and uplifting material -- unlike much of what we find at our local library or bookstore.

In the fall issue, there were a few Catholic references, but the majority was mainstream Christian thought.  Also, one story did include some wizardry and fantasy a la Tolkien.  In the summer issue, there was a romance story that followed a courtship-type formula (first kiss at the altar).  If those types of things bother you, you may want to pre-read the issue for your younger teens, but I did not find any objectionable material.  Subscriptions sell for $26 annually, that's for four colorful issues/40 pages each.



Spring 2011 Issue

Life imitates art.  When we read good writing, we tend to write better.  When we read good Christian writing, we hopefully tend to live better.  This magazine would be great inspiration for your budding writer, teens who enjoy writing or those who just enjoy reading good writing!   Oh, and for me, while I'm in the tub!

As part of The Old Schoolhouse Homeschool Crew, I received this item free of charge in exchange for an honest review.  You can find more TOS Reviews of this product here.

How do I keep my middle-schooler going and not fight me ALL THE TIME about doing school work?

This question was posted on Christian Homeschoolers Taking a Stand.  I had to laugh.  I'm not always that successful on this one.  From age 10 or 11, each of my children took a slightly more adversarial stance about everything.  I've tried, first of all, not to take it personally.  I believe it is a phase, but one that has to be worked through.  My oldest is almost 15 and we are seeing light at the end of a long tunnel.  Here are some of the ways we have tried over the years:

1.  We remind them of Ephesians 6:1-3.  The first day of homeschooling, we undertook to memorize this verse.  It was the first thing we did and they know it, they know it, they know it.  They know that what we as parents require is "for their own good" and that if they want to "do well and live long," they will obey us, pure and simple.  So, sometimes, a simple reminder with a smile will do.

2.  At other times, we have instituted incentive programs.  At the end of the last school year, I had one that worked well.  We were getting ready for a big vacation to Alaska.  I tacked an envelope to the wall with the monetary figure $20.00 written on it.  I let them know that they would be getting that promised amount IF they discontinued "the stall" which had become such a part of our daily lives.  But, every time I caught them using a stall tactic (including arguing about why they needed to do this), I would deduct fifty cents from their total.  Unfortunately, I hestitated over the first few times and gave too much mercy.  But, one day, I did it.  I walked over and slashed the $20.00 and wrote $19.50.  That was it.  That was the last stall that we faced for several months.

The things to remember about incentive programs is that they must pay off and the pay off shouldn't be too distant.  A year is generally to long to wait, but 9 weeks isn't too bad.  And it doesn't have to be money, it could be any privelege.  We used to give tickets for the amount of schoolwork done each day in order to have time on the computer.  No tickee -- no playee.  We have rewarded certain numbers of books read with outings or new books. 

3.  Sometimes, I've had to take a step back and say, "Why is this child fighting so much?"  Is there something else going on?  And sometimes there was.  Sometimes there was unforgiveness in a heart that needed changing.  Sometimes there was sleep deprivation.  Sometimes there was anger that one sibling's work was more/less than the other.  And sometimes they just needed a break. 

We, as adults, don't think too much about working all day and then some more.  But, kids need fresh air, they need change of pace, and they need rest in order for their brains to keep working.  At different times, we've had to adjust the break levels and add in snacks.  When they plaintively ask, "Can't we take a break now?"  I don't ignore that.  Our school day generally runs something like this:

8:00 AM - Breakfast/Bible/Read Alouds/Morning Chores

8:30 AM - School Work (schedule varies, but math is always during this slot)

10:00 AM - SNACK BREAK -- for my kids -- this is the most important meal of the day!!!

10:15 AM - Return to School Work

12:00 N - Lunch (We sometimes do work over lunch, sometimes not)

After lunch, we finish up school between 1:30-3:00 PM depending on what's on the list.

2:00 PM - Another light snack

They have a list of things to do each day and they can generally order their day, with the exception of math which I insist upon being done early.  In the olden days, math could drag for hours if it was left to a less brain ready time of day.

I also have had them use timers during math so they are aware of the time.  They are allotted an hour, but generally finish in much less time.  If the hour bell rings, they have to stop and do push ups, do something else on their list, then return to math later.

The good news is that in middle school, your child may be able to help you figure it all out.  Have a conversation with them.  First, get away from the situation, preferably alone with them.  Ask "What is bothering you about school?  Is it the material?  Is it too hard, too easy, too boring?  Is it my teaching method?  Are you upset about something?  Are you tired, unhappy, or overwhelmed?"  Let them try to voice their issue.  Sometimes that is all it takes.  To know you care.  And they may put out more effort for you afterwards.  Or, they may not.  But, your relationship will be stronger.

4.  As always, pray for God's wisdom.  He has it when we don't.  He knows how much structure you need.  You may need more.  You may need less.  Depends on what you have going on right now and both your and your child's personalities. 

Where's the Fruit?

I have a habit of buying bad fruit.  The honey dew melon I cracked open at lunch today looked really good on the outside, but it was still green and hard in the middle.  That is why I generally buy pre-cut-up melons.  They are more expensive, but I can see and feel what I am really getting.  The Lord is able to do that with us: 

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

The Lord can cut right through that outer show that we put on and see exactly what is in our hearts.  He knows our inner thoughts, our true desires, and our real motives.  Yikes.  Look away!  Look away!  I am not ripe!  How can I know if I am ripe?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23

If these things are showing up in more and more abundance in my life, then I am walking in the spirit.  I pray today for more fruit. 

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 12 (The End)

The Proverbs 31 woman FEARS THE LORD and is OF EXCEPTIONAL WORTH.

v. 30-31 says

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the Lord,

she shall be praised.

Give her the product of her hands,

And let her works praise her in the gates.

Today’s society wants us to believe that beauty is everything.  That you should nip it, tuck it, let it all hang out, or cover it, or remove it in order to achieve beauty.  This passage reveals that true beauty, the beauty that God has given us, IS achievable.  What must I do to be really beautiful?  Fear the Lord, work hard, and smile while I’m doing it.  If we do these things, we will “earn” our accomplishments or our products (our crafts, our well-taught children; our work will “pay-off”) AND we will be praised for it.

Martha Peace’s book, The Excellent Wife, describes in detail the attributes a woman should have in relationship to her husband.  Among other things, she stresses real submission and how to achieve a submissive heart and mind.  She writes:  “Many women have a desire to be the excellent wife of Proverbs 31.  They just don’t think it is possible, at least not for them.  These twenty traits, however, can characterize ANY Christian woman’s life.  These traits are given in Proverbs as general truths.  Any Christian woman who knows and obeys them can become a godly woman, an excellent wife!  Her ministry can grow under the nurturing hand of a faithful and loving God because:  “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. (2 Peter 1:3)”

So, when you find yourself standing in front of a pile of laundry, or dirty dishes, or whining kids, asking “What am I doing this for?”  Read this Psalm over again.  Let it remind you that you are working for something real and lasting and meaningful. And you CAN do it!

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 11

The Proverbs 31 woman is BLESSED BY HER CHILDREN and she is PRAISED.

v. 27-29 says

She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her saying:

“Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all.”

How many of you are waiting for your children to rise up and bless you?  We may have a bit of a wait.  I told you that this was not today’s to-do list, but our goals for our lifetime.  I definitely want this blessing from my children and my husband – even though it will take hard work to get it.

Why is praise so important?  In Dr. James Dobson’s book What Wives Wish Husbands Knew About Women, he talks about the loneliness and depression that is often associated with wives and mothers.  He stresses to the husband that just communicating his understanding and appreciation of what we are doing can keeps us from feeling that loneliness that leads to depression.  It is important for us as women to feel appreciated and loved.  We achieve that, the Bible says, by emulating this Proverbs 31 woman.

While you are waiting for them to grow up and acknowledge you, let me bless you.  You are a fantastic mother!  You love your children with your whole heart!  You work diligently and you get more done than you think you do!  You are an example and a witness everyday of the love of our Creator.  Keep up the good work!

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 10

The Proverbs 31 woman is KIND.

v. 26 says

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

How often do women get slammed for gossiping, backbiting, and talking too much?  This verse is a hard one for us.  Most of us have the “gift of gab.”  James 3:2 says that the hardest part of the body to tame is the tongue, but once it has been tamed, the whole body will follow.  The Proverbs 31 woman thinks before she speaks and she speaks kind words.  Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

This is so important when we are raising our children. It is easy to get frustrated when a child asks you the same question over and over and over again.  I told you that I was raised in a sarcastic home and making someone the butt of a joke comes very naturally to me.  In my family of origin, I have the reputation for giving the best put-downs.

But, my husband has taught me not to do that to our children.  He has had great insight in this area and we work hard to build self-esteem instead of tearing it down.  I try never to say things like “that’s dumb” or even “you’re bad” to my children.  There are so many edifying things I can say.  If one of my children is just being pure silly, I just laugh and say, “I love you.”  What better response could there be?

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 9

The Proverbs 31 woman is NOT AFRAID.

v. 25 says

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she smiles at the future.

This is key. When I think back to what drew my husband to me, it was the fact that I was a happy person. I didn’t whine and cry when I didn’t get my way and I didn’t complain about long lines, traffic or impossible situations.  I trusted in God to work things out and he liked that about me. I need to re-cultivate that smile for him.  Things ARE different now, there is more work to be done, more pressing deadlines than I have ever faced, but my main attraction is still my smile.

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 8

The Proverbs 31 woman is WISE.

v. 24 says

She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

This woman knows business, as well as her craft.  She would probably be a great person to go garage-sale-ing with.  She does not make decisions foolishly.

I wish I was more like her.  The best financial decision I ever made was to not fuss when my husband decided to do the finances when we were first married.  I had more time, but he definitely had more money smarts.  When I was single, I was "Sears Best Customer."  I earned that title by paying for the same couch 3 times over (making minimum payments each month).  I admit it:  I bounced checks. 

Now, my husband has me running on a pretty much cash-only basis.  The cash I have is what I have.  I do much better keeping a handle on the groceries and my personal wants on the allowance I am given. 

Oh!  And I am a terrible negotiator.  If I have a garage sale, you'll get it for a quarter or free probably!  I once made $20 on a 4-hour garage sale.  That's less than minimum wage!  After that, I just choose to donate stuff instead.

All that said, I do my best to live within my husband's means.  I don't beg for things that cost a lot.  I don't go shopping to "fix" a problem or a feeling (anymore). 

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 4

The Proverbs 31 woman is CAREFUL.

v. 16 says
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Have you ever looked for a house or apartment, bought a house or found one to rent? If you haven’t yet, you probably will someday. My husband and I chose our house as a “forever house.” We don’t intend on moving, ever. [Although when the weather “feels like 100” like it has the last few days, I do dream of cooler climes! And, of course, if the Lord wants us to move -- we will!]

We made our list carefully because of that goal. We needed to get this right the first time and God blessed our list. We wanted a big yard, a big bathtub, and a fireplace. We found the exact house we wanted within our budget. It was the first house we looked at! A few years later, we re-financed so that we would not spend all of our lives paying the interest on a mortgage. Our house is paid off, so there may be money someday to do other things -- like pay for our children’s education –- or other things that “grow” (like a vineyard).

In a broader sense, this Proverbs 31 woman was frugal and wise. She considered her purchases and she worked and saved for what she wanted. I don’t picture her running to Macy’s with her husband’s paycheck. She made sure there was enough; she worked and made a profit. I do picture her clipping coupons and making wise purchases, for things that will last.

The Proverbs 31 Woman - Part 3

The Proverbs 31 woman is a WORKER.

v. 13 says
She looks for wool and flax,
And works with her hands in delight.

Those of you who sew might easily see yourself here, but I think in a broader sense, this Proverbs 31 woman enjoys being creative. She is producing something for her husband or children and she delights in it. I am sure at different stages in our lives, we have all done something creative in our homes [make curtains, decorate the table, set out holiday decorations, make a nursery, rearrange the furniture]. Think of one or two creative things you have done.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a WORKER. That sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before?

v. 14 says
She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

If this were a “Bible study,” maybe we would talk about the Hebrew culture at this point. But, this is us -- What in the world does this verse mean to us today? Grocery shopping! Could your family survive if you gave up those weekly (sometimes daily) trips to the store?

Did I say the Proverbs 31 woman is a WORKER?

v. 15 says
She rises also while it is still night,
And gives food to her household,
And portions to her maidens.

My first thought here was “Yeah, right, I don’t do that.” But, I have and so have you. When your baby cried in the middle of the night (two and three and four and five times in the middle of the night), who got up to feed him? You did. Your thoughts were not first of sleep, but of taking care of your child. Your child’s needs came first (whether you bottle-fed or breast-fed).

I think this verse is really talking about managing your household. Making sure things are running smoothly; everyone is where they are supposed to be, dressed and fed and nurtured. You do that every time you pack a diaper bag or a lunchbox, every time you prepare a meal or get your child ready for school.

The Waffle Lesson

Below is an object lesson I wrote for my daughter’s Missionette class, so the examples are juvenile and relevant to middle-schoolers, but I hope we can all find and apply a piece to ourselves.

A lot of times we organize our life like a waffle. We put our family in one square, school in another, dance class in another. We may act the same in one square as another or we may act totally different. Here is a square for friends, here is a square for boys, here is a square for enemies.

One day, we get “saved” and we try to shove Jesus into an empty square. Maybe we add a church square too. But our waffle squares never mix. If I have a fight with my mom in the family square, then I go to the school square and forget all about it. I get into trouble in science class, but later in my friend square, I laugh about it. Then, I see some girl who used to be in my friend square go over to my boy square and start flirting with the boy I like. So, I beat her up, yell at him, go home, eat dinner and get ready for bed. Then, just before I close my eyes, I remember my Jesus square. I say a minute-long generic prayer about all my problems and go to sleep.

That is how it is sometimes. But, is that how it is supposed to be? No. When I gave my life to Christ, I gave Him the WHOLE waffle. I died to self (Mark 8:34-35) and told Him that He could live THRU me -- He could use my body, my mouth, my brain -– for HIS glory. So, Jesus doesn’t get a square. Jesus is the syrup. He comes and fills EVERY square.

When Jesus fills up the family square, then HE lives obedient to my parents inside my body. Jesus showed ultimate obedience to authority/parents when He died on the cross, so I know that He can do the dishes, clean my room and speak respectfully THRU me.

When Jesus fills up the friend square, suddenly I am a good influence on my friends. I don’t follow them to R-rated movies, I don’t curse, drink, smoke, skip school or act mean. Jesus was the ultimate example of love -– He died for His friends in order to give them life. So, I know He can be a great friend THRU me.

When Jesus fills up the boy square, suddenly I have pure thoughts about boys. I don’t want boys to sin in their thoughts or actions because of me. So, I dress modestly, speak kindly and encourage them in their Christian walk. Jesus is the ultimate bridegroom, so I know that He can live purity THRU me.

I know that Jesus has a plan for my future, so I don’t have to fight for it! He will live the perfect life THRU me if I let Him fill up all my squares.

…We have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. Colossians 1:9-10

The Right Way?

This article was originally published in the Pitter Patter newsletter for my MOPS group in January 2001. It has "resolution" overtones, but they are resolutions we make everyday, not those that wait for big occasions.

Sometimes I feel inadequate as a mom because I don’t know the “right way” to do things. I don’t make my own gravy. I don’t cut cookies out very well. I clean, but not as well as my mama did.

I am a grown woman and I can’t tie my own shoes. At least, I don’t tie them the way everyone else does – one loop, go around. A frustrated kindergarten teacher gave up and taught me the two-loop method instead. Twenty-eight years later, I still haven’t mastered the “proper way.”

There are days I wish I could research all the information I seem to lack. I would love to take cake decorating, home decorating, home economics, cooking, sewing and other classes. But, I have two kids and a husband. Time is not on my side.

What to do? I’ve had to realize that maybe my way isn’t always wrong – just different. After all, I happen to like canned gravy and instant mashed potatoes. And my way of tying shoes has kept me from tripping over my laces for decades.

For this year, I also resolve to remember that “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13.

I think that means that I have to let Christ be in control of my life. If He wants me to do something the “proper way,” He can show me, teach me, inspire me.

Duet

Psalm 133:1
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brethren to dwell together in unity!

My children's piano teacher is a good friend of mine and each week graciously overlooks the fact that my children are not in love with playing the piano. They take lessons because they must. They practice because they must. They improve with age and practice, but Mozarts and Beethovens they are not yet. Still, they are learning to play beautiful music.

But, lately, the piano notes are not the music I am impressed by as much as by who is playing and how. Recently, Miss Jen assigned a duet: "A Waltz for Four Hands." Watching my children work together as a team and learning to play in sync has been the real joy. The first child will do all their other piano assignments first, then call the other to join for the duet. They come immediately when the other calls. Our keyboard corner is too small for them both to sit, so they stand side by side without complaining about it. Holly counts the beats (1, 2, 3, 4...1, 2, 3, 4) and they try to play together with the proper rhythm. It isn't easy. But, they have treated each other so kindly and patiently. There have been no nudges of recrimination for mistakes. There has been no laughter at one another's expense.

This is not the first job they have tackled together. They learned early to work out systems in work and play. Holly (my first born who believes in fairness) generally orchestrates but Elijah (second born/baby tough guy) is not without input. When we go to the library, one pulls the cart of books around, the other checks the books out. When we bring them home, Elijah unloads the books from the car to the living room; Holly organizes them on the shelf. When the groceries arrive, he lugs them to the pantry and she organizes them on that shelf (yes, a pattern emerges, but it satisfies them both).

I am blessed to see my children cooperate, share, and be kind to one another. It encourages me to think that they will be able to rely on one another into adulthood.

Face Facts

In the KJV, 1 Peter 3:1-3 says, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." [The underlining is mine.]

Or in the NIV, verse 2 says:  "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes."

How does that philosophy fit in today's world?  Ever dwindling, I am afraid.  I hear Walmart is now getting in the biz of selling cosmetics directly to infants -- okay, 8 year olds -- same thing. 


This picture has nothing to do
with geogirl, but expressed my
feelings perfectly!



As seen at www.theweek.com:

What exactly is geoGirl?It's a new line of 69 cosmetics products, from blush and mascara to exfoliators, aimed at the tween market. It's designed especially for young girls who want to use "real cosmetics, but with natural ingredients," says Joel Carden of Pacific World, the line's manufacturer.

These cosmetics apparently have anti-aging properties.  You know, so your 8 year old won't look too wrinkly.  Better keep those bath times short too! 

I will say, I have never objected to girls playing dress-up, donning fancy dresses and shoes, and smearing red lipstick all over.  I think it is an important part of "playing mommy" if your mommy wears make up.  And "playing mommy" is great for teaching girls how to be wives and mothers. 

But, what are the messages being given to an 8 year old who has her own make up to wear to school?  I am afraid they are this:

1.  You aren't very pretty.  We need to cover you up so that no one will stare.

2.  The valuable time that we could have spent talking or playing games or doing chores is better spent getting you "all dolled up" because your value is in how you look.

3.  You must spend money to be beautiful.  That is a gift of the cosmetic counter, not God.

4.  You are old enough now to begin attracting men.  Get busy!  You are nothing without a man.

I don't think I am going overboard here.  Personally, I want to protect my daughter from attracting men until the proper season -- young adulthood.  And then, I want her to attract the right type of man: the man who will find her beautiful, not the mask she wears.  (What a shock some men must experience when they wake up on their honeymoon and see their wives' real faces for the first time!)  Let him see her mischievious smile and twinkly eyes, her desire to do good, and her love for the Lord.

Materialism

Below is a little lesson I developed for my children a while back.  My friend just reminded me of it and I thought I would post it here.  The topic?  Materialism.  The goal:  De-cluttering!

Compared to the rest of the world, do you think our family is rich or poor? [Rich.] There are many children in the world who go to bed hungry, have not enough clothing, and little or no shelter. They are not wishing for toys and video games, but about worried about being alive tomorrow and where they will find food.

We are also rich spiritually...we each have our own Bibles, we go to a church that is about to build a $33 million sanctuary, and we have had good teaching about the Bible. We can pray for more than just our daily needs, because our daily needs are already met.

What are our daily needs? [Food, clothing, shelter.] Who supplies our daily needs? [God.]

Matthew 6:20-24 - we shouldn’t be burdened by an abundance of things; God will provide our needs.Today, in America, most people, including us, have an abundance. We not only have clothing, but more than enough. We not only have food, but so much that we end up throwing away leftovers. We not only have shelter, but it is completely paid for and we have comfy furniture and can contemplate buying more of it.

Proverbs 25:27 - too much of a good thing (even honey), can be a bad thing.Our country has a spiritual disease in their world view. It is called "materialism." Materialism says, okay, my needs are met, now I want more! I have more than enough, but I still want more! How many storage facility buildings have we seen built in our neighborhood over the last 5 years? Many. People have more stuff than will fit into their homes!

This is a spiritual battle. Satan wants us to have lots of THINGS. Why? [Things distract us from God’s Word, His Work and from trusting in him.] Jesus said it would be harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven than for a camel to enter the eye of a needle. Why? Because a rich man begins to trust in his things more than trusting in God.

Things distract us because:

1. Busyness - we always have something we could do other than pray/read the Bible/good to others. We have games, and books, and toys, and video games, and other entertainments.

2. Maintenance - we have to dust it, get batteries for it, oil it, store it, look for it, put it away, etc. This takes time, money, and energy. 

Ecclesiastes 1:8 - all things are full of labor (maintenance)

3. Clutter - a cluttered room = a cluttered mind. It is hard to concentrate, when things are "calling me." And when there isn’t a clean spot to sit and think. 4. Poor Health - when things can’t be kept clean, we can get sick. Dust = more asthma, sneezing, germs, etc.When we contemplate all our things, we have choices to make. We can:

Keep/Hoard*	Store (attic)	Throw Away	Sell	Give
If we do this, we will be burdened by clutter, health, maintenance, and storage problems. Nothing will change. We have not helped anyone.	If we do this, we can save "treasures" for our (grand)children; things worth saving. Perhaps they can be used or sold later, good investment of storage space. (Recycling)	We can get rid of things that are broken and unusable as they really have no value. If things have sentimental value, we can take pictures before we throw away. This helps with clutter, health, maintenance, and storage issues.	Acts 2:45, the early church sold off their excess to help the poor. They did not use the money to buy more stuff.	If we do this, we can help other people who have little, to have enough. We make room for God to bless us. This helps with clutter, health, maintenance and storage issues.

*Hoard means: to store up or keep large quantities of (something), often in secret

In reality, how many watches does a person need? [1] How many backpacks? [1] How many necklaces? [a couple] How many piggy banks? [1]

What happens to things?

1 John 2:15-17 - Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passes away, and the lust thereof: but he that does the will of God abides for ever.So, should we focus on things? [No.] Where should our focus be? [God, Bible, love others (2 great commands).]

John 10:37 - If I do not the works of my Father, believe me not. But if I do, though ye believe not me, believe the works: that ye may know, and believe, that the Father is in me, and I in him. Did Jesus do the work of the Father? [Yes] What was that? [Heal the sick, preach the gospel, servant to others; love.] What does God want us to do regarding those less fortunate (poor, sick, hungry)? [Help them, give to them, feed them, pray for them.] Think about the sheep and the goats. They had a choice to make. Each were faced with people who were poor, hungry, cold, etc. What was the difference in their response? [Sheep helped; goats didn’t.] What happened to the sheep/goats? [Heaven/Hell.] Which would we rather be?

Let’s talk about some other people who did and didn’t.

Matthew 19:22

Acts 2:44-48 - And all that believed were together, and had all things common; and sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.  - the rich young ruler went away sad because he had so much stuff – he didn’t want to choose between Jesus and his stuff. Because, what did he love more? [stuff]Who pleased God? [early church] What did they do with their possessions? [sell, give away to those in need] What did the rich young ruler do with his possessions? [kept them, ignored Jesus]

Now, let’s talk about some principles about things and giving.

                    Luke 16:10 - he who is faithful with little, is faithful in much.

Faithfulness with our things means that we take good care of them, we keep them clean, and we don’t allow them to distract us from God and doing His work. I think we fail a bit in the clean and good care columns. We don’t often clean your rooms thoroughly, mostly because it takes so long because there are so many things to take care of. So, we just don’t.

1 Timothy 6:17 - Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not high-minded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life.God gives us plenty and we can trust in Him to supply our needs and some of our wants. If we get rid of things, will He make it okay? Can we live without some things? What are we supposed to be rich in? [good works, not things.]

Matthew 6:19-20 - Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.What kind of treasures should we store up lots of? [heavenly, good works] What is wrong with earthly treasures [2^nd law of thermodynamics, they decay!]

Luke 12:15-34
But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.

And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?
And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knows that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that fails not, where no thief approaches, neither moth corrupts.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. - And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesses. And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. What happened to that man’s stuff? [descendants, rot] What happened to the man’s soul? [Heaven/Hell.]
What happens when we give?

Proverbs 13:7
There is that makes himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that makes himself poor, yet hath great riches.

Proverbs 22:9
He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor.

Proverbs 14:21
He that despises his neighbor sins: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.

Proverbs 28:27
He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hides his eyes shall have many a curse.

Luke 6:38 - Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. - give to the poor - happy - blessed - spiritual richesWhat kinds of things should be first on our list to give (easiest)?

1 Corinthians 13:11 - When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.Things we have outgrown in age or size and can no longer use. Things that are broken should easily be thrown away.

If we want to save MEMORIES, the best way to do that is with pictures, not with tons of STUFF.
Questions/Comments?
What do you think we are going to do now? [Clean! Throw away! Give Away!]